THE TROUBLE WITH ISOBEL'S MAGIC
by Ballyuk
Summary: The girls learn more about what happened during Chloe's 18th birthday party, much to the dismay and embarrassment of Clark. Set just after 4x08 (Spell).


Author's Note: I do not own the characters. This story was inspired by the frankly hilarious DVD commentary for this episode. The three actresses clearly had a great time filming this episode so I wanted to try and bring that reaction on the commentary to their characters too. It also brings to mind Jim's embarrassment in _American Pie_.

* * *

 **THE TROUBLE WITH ISOBEL'S MAGIC.**

* * *

The end of another school day, and all Clark wanted to do was hang out with Chloe. She would be hard at work preparing for the latest edition of the Torch and he had submitted a couple of little articles ready for her. Chloe would be going over them and offering some constructive criticism, and he trusted her judgement because her magic touch had previously meant that even his most boring articles became a more interesting read.

It had been a trying last couple of days. A party in the barn had gotten out of hand, he was desperately trying to get hold of somebody at Princeton to rearrange another meeting and explain away the events of the party as a misunderstanding. His parents had accepted his excuses about magic spells affecting him despite being less than impressed to find various items of ladies underwear around the barn. Unbeknownst to Clark or his father, the scarecrow in the far cornfield was still wearing a pair of panties on its head. And Lois had stuck around and spent the night on the farm, relegating him to the couch and leaving him with no hot water once again. She was all charm and sweetness with his parents so they'd grown extremely fond of her, but she remained snarky and bossy when dealing with him.

Passing by locker after locker, he couldn't help but notice that people were looking at him. Did he have something on his face? A quick detour to the men's room confirmed that all was OK on that front. There were no 'Kick Me' messages stuck to the back of his shirt. The button-fly on his jeans was not undone. Nope, there was no reason for people to be smiling and staring at him so he was disturbed by the attention. It was like everyone else was privy to something that he didn't know about. Were all these people at the party?

Rounding the corner, a couple of jocks were laughing and high-fiving each other. They'd caught a glimpse of Clark - with his height he was hard to miss for the guys; with his puppy dog eyes and chiselled cheekbones he was hard to miss for the girls - and one of them waved his arm in the air like a rodeo cowboy pretending to ride the other like a bucking bronco.

Clark Kent was the centre of attention and that was playing havoc with his head space. Something was going on and he had to find out what.

* * *

The lights were on inside the Torch office, with the editor hard at work despite the presence of her slightly agitated older cousin.

"You're spending more time here now you've left than you did when you were an actual student," said Chloe, smiling at the screen as she pored over one of Clark's articles on her computer.

Lois was pacing about, stalling for time before heading back to Met U. It bothered her immensely that she was missing about a day's worth of memories and she didn't want to dismiss it as just another quirk of being in Smallville. The iced cappuccino in her hand was in danger of thawing out completely.

"How can you be so 'blah' about this, Chlo?" she asked. "I mean, we're talking about actual witchcraft here. I was possessed by a slut from the dark ages!"

That made Chloe grin even more. She'd actually liked Lois' outfit and hair more than what she'd been lumbered with. She thought Lois had looked hot to trot whereas hers made her look like some evil troll doll, in her opinion. _Why do I have to be so short?_

"Where did we get that junk from anyway? Does Smallville have its own Skanks-R-Us?"

"Lo, I wanna know more about that night too, but considering nothing dramatic happened and we've all returned to normal, maybe we should just file it away in the box marked 'Thank god no-one saw that'."

Chloe's computer beeped, signifying that she had a new email. Switching to her Digital Wave email client, she clicked on the unopened email. It was from one of her Biology classmates and had been copied to all the other students in the school. All it said under the subject heading was "WATCH THIS LOLOLOLOL!" Curious, Chloe opened the email, seeing a video box. The video still image didn't give her any inkling as to the contents. _To hell with it._ She pressed play.

Chloe's eyed got wider and wider as she realised what the video contained, which had her so rapt that she'd tuned out her cousin's continued babbling. Somebody had brought a video camera to the party and managed to capture some highly embarrassing footage.

"…and once I'm done with that, I am gonna burn that outfit," Lois carried on as she paced to and fro, before noticing that her cousin hadn't heard a word of what she'd just said. She walked up to Chloe.

"Hey!" Lois snapped her fingers to get Chloe's attention.

Chloe blinked out of her trance at the sound of Lois' voice. The video ended at that same moment.

"What were you staring at? Hot naked guys on the internet?" asked Lois.

Chloe was still in a bit of a daze. What she'd just witnessed was like something from a parallel universe. A funny parallel universe at that.

"Wha-? Uh, no."

Lois looked at her cousin questioningly. "I've never seen a girl stare so hard at a computer that _didn't_ have hot naked guys on it."

Chloe brushed off the insinuation. "Uh…I guess we can solve some of the mystery of what we got up to when were _Charmed_ up. This video kinda fills in some of the blanks."

"Let me see," insisted Lois, leaning down beside Chloe and sipping her iced cappuccino through the straw, intrigued. Chloe pressed play on the video once more.

 _The party in the barn was in full swing, with people dancing away as a stereo blasted out Gwen Stefani's 'What You Waiting For?' It must have been very hot in the barn because a lot of the guys were shirtless and a number of girls were parading around in their underwear. High up against the loft railings, the large green 'Happy Birthday! Chloe' banner was clearly visible. Lois had gone to considerable expense to have that banner made. String lights were hanging from wherever one looked, with shiny streamers and tinsel making the barn look like some sort of rural nightclub. Haystacks were dotted around the barn floor and were being used as tables and chairs. There was a large table near the stairs where the food and drink was, including a birthday cake._

Watching the video, Lois got the impression that the party didn't look all that bad. Sure, more people than expected had showed up but that only made it look as though Lois had done a great job for Chloe. The camera then panned to the bottom of the stairs and her jaw dropped.

 _Lois was on the bottom step, swaying her hips sexily with her hands on the banister as a shirtless guy with ripped arms, a granite chest and a perfectly toned six-pack danced behind her with his hands on her hips. He was clearly happy to be there, and Lois looked like she was enjoying his close attentions._

Lois was mortified. There she was, in that ghastly outfit with the ugly choker, plastered with more make-up than an aging hooker, letting some random guy feel her up. Now she wondered if she'd gone and done anything _really_ stupid.

 _Another presence in front of the camera momentarily blocked everybody from view as he stepped into the shot. Once the view was clear again, there was somebody standing there, considerably older and dressed entirely inappropriately for a party. He was wearing a formal suit with a stripy tie. Was he a chaperone or something? He was glancing around, apparently looking for somebody. He walked up to one of the shirtless revellers who pointed up the stairs._

 _The camera panned up the staircase past Lois and her hanger-on, and now both Lana and Chloe could be seen dancing sultrily on the staircase, both dressed head to toe in black just like Lois._

"We must have got a group discount or something," mouthed Lois to herself.

 _Chloe and Lana looked like they were having a great time too, and they were in the company of another shirtless party-goer. At first, his face was obscured behind Lana's hair but, as if he'd been distracted by somebody calling his name, he stepped out from behind Lana and nodded to someone out of shot._

Lois almost did a spit take on her iced cappuccino. It wasn't just some random guy, it was Clark! She had to slurp noisily with her straw to prevent herself from choking on her drink. What the hell was he doing?

 _Clark and the old suited guy seemed to be in conversation. Was the man here to ask them to keep the noise down? Clark waved to the guy, calling him to join in the fun by the looks of things. Then, with a couple of loud shouts of "Wooo!", Clark carried on dancing with abandon behind Lana, pumping his arm in the air and thrusting his hips against her from behind. Lana and Chloe were laughing their asses off. Whoever was operating the camera must have had a few drinks themselves because the footage now began to lose focus and the camera pointed away from the party to the bare ground inside the barn. Then the video stopped. It must have been edited to cut out a load of useless footage._

Whatever level of horror Lois had been feeling upon seeing herself all dressed up and dancing in the barn had totally disappeared once she clocked sight of Clark. He had stripped down to just his boxers and a pair of socks and he looked so joyfully wasted, a far cry from the straight-laced and moody teenager Lois was familiar with. His terrible dancing made him look like a total dork and it was like he didn't care. She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat right now.

Chloe and Lois looked at one another before both burst into unabashed peals of laughter. The witches who possessed them had obviously managed to turn Clark into the biggest party animal in the mid-west. That alone could never _not_ be funny. Not only that, but the video had been distributed around the school so everybody was going to see it. Lois so hoped he hadn't seen it yet as she wanted to be there to catch the look on his face once he did. That would make her sticking around a little longer totally worth it.

They almost didn't hear Lana enter the Torch office. She'd looked pensive for the last few days, a little bit upset that she'd been possessed by Margaret Isobel Thoreaux. As Isobel, she had managed to physically hurt Clark, Jason and Lex and was worried about who else she might have hurt. Isobel had cast a spell on both Chloe and Lois, possessing them with the spirits of Isobel's cohorts from the 17th century. Lana had the vaguest of recollections of everything that had happened to her as Isobel, but it was mostly a series of flashes that didn't make sense. Waking up in the Kawatche caves and having no idea about how she got there was just one of the things troubling her.

Right now, she could see Chloe and Lois laughing like hyenas, tears streaming from their eyes. She cleared her throat.

"Hey guys. What's so funny?"

Chloe let her laughter subside before trying to answer. "Lana! Hey, we were just checking my email." Lois just nodded, still grinning wildly.

"Oh, must be something good. After the last couple of days, I could sure use a pick-me-up," said Lana.

"Lana, why don't you check your email. We all got sent the same thing, and I think you'll want to see this," suggested Chloe, getting out of her chair so Lana could sit.

Lana tentatively agreed, making her way over to the desk and logging into her own email client.

"WATCH THIS LOLOLOLOL!" she read from the subject line of the most recent unopened mail. The others were standard study group and help-with-homework fare. She clicked on the email, with the three of them setting about to watch the video.

* * *

Clark stepped inside the Torch office, closing the door behind him and looking confused. Chloe, Lana and Lois were laughing giddily, with Lois standing behind Lana and re-enacting Clark's hip-thrusting dance from the party. Lana looked like she was having so much fun - it was very rare to see her this way - and Chloe had doubled over with her laughing fit, holding her ribs. Whatever they were talking about must have been painfully funny.

Lois spotted Clark first. She greeted him with her usual "Hey Smallville," half-suppressing a giggle. Chloe and Lana both stopped and turned around, both red-faced and both pretending they hadn't just been laughing hard.

"Hey. I was hoping to check my emails. What are you guys smiling about? Everyone in the school seems to be really happy today," he enquired, totally oblivious.

He couldn't remember everything that happened at the party once the three girls had shown up. Waking up on a haystack amongst a pile of party streamers and other people's clothes the following morning, with the barn looking like an explosion in a glitter factory, he'd been feeling very hazy. He could recall someone asking for him and claiming to be from Princeton but he couldn't picture this person's face, or recall if the two had had their meeting to discuss his future. Trying to get back in touch with Princeton had so far proven to be fruitless so he knew he hadn't left a good impression.

Taking his place at his usual Torch desk, he put his red backpack on the floor and started up the computer, bringing up his Digital Wave email client. In his inbox was one new email. It had been copied to every student in the school and consisted of a short video clip.

"This must be what everybody is laughing about," he opined, clicking on the video to start it. Lana sat back down with Chloe and Lois sat against the edge of the desk. All three were stifling giggles while casting sidelong glances at Clark and one another, knowing what was to come.

"Hey, this is from the party," he said as he recognised his barn and the decorations. Then he spotted a familiar face - familiar in that he knew he's spoken to him before, but unfamiliar in that he wasn't certain as to who he was. The man was dressed in a suit and tie.

Clark's stomach lurched as it now dawned on him that this was the man from Princeton. With what he saw next, his stomach may as well have dropped out of his ass. He felt the heat rising on his neck and up to his cheeks, settling around his ears. Just what had he done?

"Oh my god!" he whispered in shock.

There he was, immortalised on video, dancing like a lunatic in only his boxers, grinding suggestively against who he now knew to be Margaret Isobel Thoreaux in Lana's body. She didn't seem to mind, but he was absolutely loving it. The magic spell cast by Isobel had made him take leave of his senses to an extent where he didn't recognise himself. He saw the dancing lunatic waving to the man from Princeton and inviting him to join them on the stairs, and he felt like shrinking from embarrassment. No wonder he'd fallen to the back of the line and nobody was returning his calls! Goodbye Princeton.

This was a disaster, and the whole school knew about it. _That's why everybody was laughing and joking in the hall, giving me funny looks as I walked by!_ He knew his face had turned red and he didn't know where to look. He certainly wanted to avoid eye contact with the three girls sniggering away at the other desk.

Lana felt a bit sorry for his humiliation given how it was all down to Isobel. Still, she struggled to wipe the smile off her face as she expressed sympathy. "Clark, it's really not that bad."

Chloe was faring even worse than Lana, but decided that she ought to go easy on Clark too. "Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. You know how it is around here. In a day or two, there'll be something else to get the kids talking and this'll all be forgotten."

Lois wasn't bothered about trying to mask her delight. The party had been her idea but she'd not been able to remember any of it thanks to being possessed. Now she had something she could torment Clark over.

"Way to go, Smallville. Bringing out your inner doofus! Go get 'em cowboy!"

She stood up and re-enacted the dance once more, causing the others to break down into another fit of laughter. Lois was cracking up so much it brought to mind Porky Pig as Friar Tuck rolling around at the sight of Daffy Duck's Robin Hood.

Clark glared at her. She was no longer a Smallville High student and yet here she was, having stuck around long enough to watch his reaction to the infamous party video. She was the one person who would absolutely go to town and be merciless with the ribbing, and there was nothing he could do about it. Logging off the computer, he dumped his backpack onto the desk with a heavy sigh, getting up.

"You know what? I think I'm just gonna head home."

He would now have to run the gauntlet out in the hall. Or was it the Walk of Shame? Either way, Margaret Isobel Thoreaux was not a name he'd be remembering with any great affection. At this moment, neither was Lois Lane. He hung his head and skulked out of the Torch office.

"Lois, that was a low blow," said Chloe as she watched him disappear and the door shut.

Lois wheeled around to address her cousin and Lana. "Come on, it really wasn't that bad. It was actually kinda cute in a weird Smallville way."

At their raised eyebrows, she added, "Oh don't give me that look. And anyway, what happened with that guy he was meeting from Princeton?"

Chloe's smile faded. Clark had told her about a guy from Princeton coming to the farm to meet him. Recalling the suited man in the video, her eyes went wide. He _was_ the man from Princeton!

"Uh oh," she said. "You know that man in the video wearing the suit?"

She prayed the other two would get the hint, and seeing them staring at her open-mouthed she figured that they had. Lana looked shocked that one of her good friends had made a spectacle of himself before an important meeting, potentially dashing his future hopes through no fault of his own. Lois was now turning red, dismayed that she'd teased him so much about it. She had been the one to insist on a party in the barn in the first place. There really was only one thing she could say right now.

"Crap!"

* * *

 **FIN.**


End file.
